I am all kinds of tempted to get my facebook back.
"But I won't be able to talk to that nice guy I talked to a few days ago..."
"But I won't be able to organize get-togethers with my friends..."
"But I was admin for my kinship group and our open-mic group..."
Truthfully, yes, I use facebook for a lot of stuff. I'm surprised at how many things I use it for.
Unfortunately, I'm an addict. Very much an addict. I'd estimate that I spent 2-3 hours a day on facebook, all told. I do have a few other forms of social media, but none are so addicting as facebook. Typically, I'll check my profile, check my wall, then check some of my friends' music pages, maybe post a link or two, then do it all over again to see if anything changed in the last few seconds.
Basically, I'm doing a whole lot of nothing. I think I realized this after the Rebecca Black video came out. It was everywhere. Positively everywhere. And then there were remixes. And then somebody made a "Hitler's response." And I realized that the sum total of my time on facebook amounts to mental junk food. With an occasional apple or carrot to try to throw karma off a little.
I don't have time or energy for junk food. I've been busy writing music for Jed's videogame, teaching lessons, and, last night, playing a for-real gig for the first time up here in Delaware. I'm trying to think about recording, launching a website, commissioning music videos from my sister, developing better materials for my students, entering a songwriting competition... did I mention that my regular job is bumping up to 40 hours a week next week? To be honest, it hasn't even occurred to me that it means I'll have more cash -- all it's meant so far is "HOLY CARP HOW AM I GOING TO DO EVERYTHING!?"
So you see, there's no room for distraction. And on my own, I never would've chosen to turn from that distraction. My inspiration comes from the Bible. Because, yeah, I'm called to do this music mess. I know it. So engaging in distraction from this is, to me, sin. And it pretty explicitly says in several places to turn from sin. I'm thinking of the more graphic depiction where it actually says "if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off." (Man, I love the Bible... I love the rawness of it sometimes. Read that mess, there's nothing boring about it. Except for maybe Leviticus. Even my student Bible says it's the most boring book in the Bible.)
So, rawr, cutt'n my right hand off here. And I'm having temptations to try to reattach it, but for the most part I know that it's only temptation, God's got me, He'll move me however He needs me to move and He don't need no facebook to do it.
To be honest -- I don't know if I expect this to be forever -- at first I was sort of like, let's just see how long I can last without it. But I'm starting to feel more relaxed and focused, and I'm honestly quite enjoying that feeling...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Good for what ails ya
My FAWM hoodie arrived in the mail today. ^^
I got to feelin' pretty silly 'bout the whole thing.
We had a jam/open mic/hangout tonight. It's refreshing to the spirit to just play whatever songs, however many, no matter if you mess up, and to be encouraged and accepted and to laugh a lot while doing it.
Monday, March 21, 2011
The story behind the song: "Small Town Places"
I've been residing in Delaware a year and a half now. Yesterday, for the first time, I realized that I actually live here. Y'see, there's this thing called Rita's 'round these parts, and they give away free water ice on the first day of spring (which was yesterday). Despite growing up in what is essentially the rural Pennsylvanian suburbs of Newark, I never knew this 'till last year.
Not only did I enjoy free Rita's yesterday - every two seconds, it seemed like I was running into someone else I knew. People from church. People from work. People from meeting other people. Most of which I've only met within the last year.
It was really weird, coming back. If you asked me at 19 where I'd be when I grew up, I'da told you, "anywhere except there." It's not that I hated the place, there was just nothing to draw me back. Nothing, anyway, that overpowered the draw of wanderlust and the smell of adventure. As far as I was concerned, I'd seen everything to be seen.
College was adventure. Not knowing my way was adventure. Alaska and DC were an adventure. And developing a relationship with God, I finally found out, was the best adventure of all. Ironically, though, God called me back here. To go to a church that is two miles from where I grew up. God is funny like that. Whenever an area of pride gets broken down in me, I just laugh. It's absurd to be proud of anything in the face of a God that made everything.
During FAWM this year, I sat in the Eagle Diner on Elkton Road one night, having arrived early for want of a place to sit, drink coffee, and write. With a blank page before me, I began to stare blankly around the place, waiting for something to spill over from my mind into the notebook. As it turns out, there are these pencil sketches that adorn the walls of the Eagle. I've been going to this place nearly every Thursday for a year now, and though the sketches are for sale, not a one of them has ever sold. Probably because they're of random locations in a tiny little town, and to be honest, they're nobody's masterpiece.
But the poorly-rendered locations caught and snagged on a corner of my prickly little heart, and I realized that those places actually mean something to me. What's more, I wasn't as irritated about it as I thought I'd be - irritated at being stuck in a dinky little town with nothing to offer, when I could be wandering and boldly executing my life as I saw fit out in God-knows-where.
Instead, I'm here, and I'm happy, because there is an adventure to be lived here. Many adventures. With many people. Who are wonderful. And with God, who is also wonderful.
The Eagle Diner, according to recent reports, is slated to close on Monday, March 28th. Granted, it's been rumored to have been closing for the entire last year, but I think this is for reals. And I actually care about it, which is strange and wonderful in its own right. We had our FAWM Meet and Greet at the Eagle Diner. I met so many awesome people there. I honestly remember the first time I was invited to hang with folks there, which was a blessing in a painful time. Had so many late-night conversations, the kind that are deep and surprise you with how they sneak up on you. Got yelled at for being too loud. And I wrote this song there.
"Small Town Places" (click to listen)
Everything inside was screaming "run while you can";
you listened to the whisper whose small refrain was "stay."
There's never been a town where you imagined settling down;
"anywhere but here" is the prayer that you'd pray.
And now the small town places are hangin' on the wall,
places made of wherewithal and spit.
They're the landmarks on your tour of insanity du jour;
offered up the bullet and you bit.
You're a voice without a vision, firing cannons in the dark,
blindly aiming by the only light you see.
As cities throw their detritus of beams into the sky,
the country moon is watchin' all horizons bleed.
And now the small town places are hangin' on the wall,
sketches never bought or sold.
They're the X's on the map of your adventure and a half,
a tale that's not worth telling 'till it's told.
(interlude)
And now the small town places are passin' as you go,
familiar streets and old decrepit stores.
Occupying the real estate on the wall of things you can't escape,
and you don't think you mind it anymore.
You don't think you mind it anymore.
No, you don't really mind it anymore.
Not only did I enjoy free Rita's yesterday - every two seconds, it seemed like I was running into someone else I knew. People from church. People from work. People from meeting other people. Most of which I've only met within the last year.
It was really weird, coming back. If you asked me at 19 where I'd be when I grew up, I'da told you, "anywhere except there." It's not that I hated the place, there was just nothing to draw me back. Nothing, anyway, that overpowered the draw of wanderlust and the smell of adventure. As far as I was concerned, I'd seen everything to be seen.
College was adventure. Not knowing my way was adventure. Alaska and DC were an adventure. And developing a relationship with God, I finally found out, was the best adventure of all. Ironically, though, God called me back here. To go to a church that is two miles from where I grew up. God is funny like that. Whenever an area of pride gets broken down in me, I just laugh. It's absurd to be proud of anything in the face of a God that made everything.
During FAWM this year, I sat in the Eagle Diner on Elkton Road one night, having arrived early for want of a place to sit, drink coffee, and write. With a blank page before me, I began to stare blankly around the place, waiting for something to spill over from my mind into the notebook. As it turns out, there are these pencil sketches that adorn the walls of the Eagle. I've been going to this place nearly every Thursday for a year now, and though the sketches are for sale, not a one of them has ever sold. Probably because they're of random locations in a tiny little town, and to be honest, they're nobody's masterpiece.
But the poorly-rendered locations caught and snagged on a corner of my prickly little heart, and I realized that those places actually mean something to me. What's more, I wasn't as irritated about it as I thought I'd be - irritated at being stuck in a dinky little town with nothing to offer, when I could be wandering and boldly executing my life as I saw fit out in God-knows-where.
Instead, I'm here, and I'm happy, because there is an adventure to be lived here. Many adventures. With many people. Who are wonderful. And with God, who is also wonderful.
The Eagle Diner, according to recent reports, is slated to close on Monday, March 28th. Granted, it's been rumored to have been closing for the entire last year, but I think this is for reals. And I actually care about it, which is strange and wonderful in its own right. We had our FAWM Meet and Greet at the Eagle Diner. I met so many awesome people there. I honestly remember the first time I was invited to hang with folks there, which was a blessing in a painful time. Had so many late-night conversations, the kind that are deep and surprise you with how they sneak up on you. Got yelled at for being too loud. And I wrote this song there.
"Small Town Places" (click to listen)
Everything inside was screaming "run while you can";
you listened to the whisper whose small refrain was "stay."
There's never been a town where you imagined settling down;
"anywhere but here" is the prayer that you'd pray.
And now the small town places are hangin' on the wall,
places made of wherewithal and spit.
They're the landmarks on your tour of insanity du jour;
offered up the bullet and you bit.
You're a voice without a vision, firing cannons in the dark,
blindly aiming by the only light you see.
As cities throw their detritus of beams into the sky,
the country moon is watchin' all horizons bleed.
And now the small town places are hangin' on the wall,
sketches never bought or sold.
They're the X's on the map of your adventure and a half,
a tale that's not worth telling 'till it's told.
(interlude)
And now the small town places are passin' as you go,
familiar streets and old decrepit stores.
Occupying the real estate on the wall of things you can't escape,
and you don't think you mind it anymore.
You don't think you mind it anymore.
No, you don't really mind it anymore.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Buzz - Open Mic
This was the scene at the Arden open mic last night. That's the list of performers. As you may discern from the photo, it was rather a confusing night. Unfortunately, Aaron and Todd didn't end up playing 'cause they have families and stuff like that to go home to, and the night was getting later and later. I have stuff to go home to, but a fish is probably not going to jump on my bed to wake me up at 7 AM. Anyway, it was great to hang out and play some tunes.
You have to play these things by ear... you can pick out your three songs hours beforehand, then get up on the stage and change your mind completely just based on the people before you and how you want to direct the energy of the audience. Or at least, I think you should do that, if you hope to capture their attention. If you don't care about that, then play whatever the heck you want. I wanted to play "Crowns," but it's slow and thoughtful and everyone before me seemed to have mellowed out the room. And frankly, I couldn't stand it. So instead of showcasing any guitar skill, I chose just to play three more upbeat and funny songs, which worked well.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Mojo Main's Open Mic
Well, heck with taking time to regroup. We went out to the open mic today. I've never minded doing things on my own, many times preferred it -- but dang, it's also just plain nice to wait your turn in good company.
Michael took this one of me playing one of my new FAWM tunes. I returned the favor by getting his performance of David Ford's "State of the Union" (warning: a couple f-bombs dropped)
That looping stuff is pretty crazy. The idea of amplifying myself with a pickup is still pretty much a novelty for me, so stuff like this just seems so beyond me. I was really impressed by the end where he actually ditches the guitar, almost gets the strap caught on his head in the process, unwinds the mic cord from the stand -- all while singing the last verse. Good stuff.
Mojo's open mic is great. All open mics are a smattering of good to bad, but Mojo Main's tends more toward great to decent. It was a good crowd. They reacted well -- the audience at Mojo Main generally does keep at least one of two ears on the stage, which I think is probably not real typical of open mics that happen in bars. Plus Spanky's got my back with calls for "ONE MORE SONG!!" from behind the bar, on some nights. I haven't really tried any of the others in town, but I also haven't heard any of the other musicians even mention other open mics in town. (It is, however, a small town.)
Hoping to play Arden's open mic later this week. I played there in December and I've been tryin' to get back ever since. Arden's a musician's open mic - meaning folks are listening to you with all available ears because it's a community pooling together for community's sake, and art's sake, instead of musicians plus whoever wanted a beer that night. It's not publicized. They have no need for publicity; my impression is that they already have all the talent they'd ever need, and they're being pretty gracious by allowing non-members to slip in on the program. But I think that's just how they roll. I love Arden since that's my contra-stomping grounds, plus it's a beautiful area tucked away near the city and I love the community they have there. Reminds me a little of Takoma Park, MD, which I loved very much, apart from a little countryside nostalgia. Despite Newark being a college town, there's nothing like Arden in the town proper.
At least not yet.
Michael took this one of me playing one of my new FAWM tunes. I returned the favor by getting his performance of David Ford's "State of the Union" (warning: a couple f-bombs dropped)
That looping stuff is pretty crazy. The idea of amplifying myself with a pickup is still pretty much a novelty for me, so stuff like this just seems so beyond me. I was really impressed by the end where he actually ditches the guitar, almost gets the strap caught on his head in the process, unwinds the mic cord from the stand -- all while singing the last verse. Good stuff.
Mojo's open mic is great. All open mics are a smattering of good to bad, but Mojo Main's tends more toward great to decent. It was a good crowd. They reacted well -- the audience at Mojo Main generally does keep at least one of two ears on the stage, which I think is probably not real typical of open mics that happen in bars. Plus Spanky's got my back with calls for "ONE MORE SONG!!" from behind the bar, on some nights. I haven't really tried any of the others in town, but I also haven't heard any of the other musicians even mention other open mics in town. (It is, however, a small town.)
Hoping to play Arden's open mic later this week. I played there in December and I've been tryin' to get back ever since. Arden's a musician's open mic - meaning folks are listening to you with all available ears because it's a community pooling together for community's sake, and art's sake, instead of musicians plus whoever wanted a beer that night. It's not publicized. They have no need for publicity; my impression is that they already have all the talent they'd ever need, and they're being pretty gracious by allowing non-members to slip in on the program. But I think that's just how they roll. I love Arden since that's my contra-stomping grounds, plus it's a beautiful area tucked away near the city and I love the community they have there. Reminds me a little of Takoma Park, MD, which I loved very much, apart from a little countryside nostalgia. Despite Newark being a college town, there's nothing like Arden in the town proper.
At least not yet.
Monday, March 7, 2011
The FAWM 2011 Showcase - Newark, DE
This is the only media of the event I have, so far. Michael did some video recordin' of the event, but of course he is in school and needs to do school things, so it may be a little while before we see them videos. Which is a-okay. I'd really prefer for him to get out of college with decent grades. ^^
Top row from the left is Kevin, Jeff, Zach, Michael, Sandy, Jessica, Lori, Steve, and Rebekah.
Bottom row is Brene, myself, Shane, Aaron (and his daughter, Lily), and Todd.
There is so much talent in this photo.
The event went incredibly smoothly. The room was pretty much full the entire show. Setup and breakdown went off without a hitch. Donations were made. Merch was sold. Networking was performed. Food arrived in multiple hands and departed in multiple bellies.
One audience member expressed surprise over the high level of skill exhibited by all the performers. I think some folks came expecting an open mic - that is to say, a crapshoot of good and bad. This was really more of a showcase, with all the artists selected and confirmed beforehand. And wow, everyone really nailed it. I am, of course, a little biased, but it didn't feel tiresome and it didn't feel too formal - it honestly felt like everyone hangin' out in the parlor on Sunday, doing some music, eating some food, and enjoying each others' company. For three hours.
This was our vision for FAWM 2011. This photo really is our vision. To gather together a crapton of really talented musicians. I'm honestly just taking a little time to regroup, personally, after organizing all this, but I'm already looking to the future of this group and I think we're all interested in making sure that this doesn't fall apart. It's a grand old adventure. We'll see what the future brings.
Many thanks to all the performers, the audience members, the Newark Arts Alliance, and especially Michael, who is an absolute champ and the co-organizer of it all - this was so fun.
Here, have a program:
Thursday, March 3, 2011
FAWM post #12 - The results of 2011
Well, folks... it's been three days since the FAWM season officially closed. In those three days, I have been too busy to even think about having a life, which meant my final FAWM blog post was delayed a bit.
But it's here! So join me as I procrastinate on things my neighbors would appreciate, such as fixing the rut I put in my lawn and weeding my garden... this might be a long'n.
First, I'm going to do myself a favor and list my songs, link them directly to their respective MP3 files (so that clicking on them will bring you to the actual sound file), and give a short self-critique. Next year, my FAWM page will be wiped clean so that I can put up more stuff, so this is my own little archive.
1 The Invitation
Loved starting out with a banjo tune, pretty happy with the chorus. not sure about that bridge.
2 The Migration
An arty enviro song. glad I wrote at least one of these. I honestly think I expressed exactly what I wanted to.
3 Little Bird (with jocelyn)
Awesome collab which I really enjoyed. This was the only collab where someone gave a complete set of lyrics which I then set.
4 A Rather Politely Phrased Request From A Fellow Citizen and Motorist
This one was so fun. A good song for the open mic at the bar ^^
5 Invention for Dulcimer
Goin' out on a limb with this one. Instrumental. Not sure this is actually how you play dulcimer, but I actually love the construction of the music. May develop it.
6 The Sun (is free energy!)
An educational enviro song. WITH BANJO! It's very fun and I'm glad I wrote it.
7 Small Town Places
This one was sprung on me. It was never on my list of ideas. But I'm glad it's there. More thoughtful and slow.
8 Irish Platypus (with heyzach)
My first in-person collab. Ever. (Ever!) Instrumental. Our musical ideas are so varied.
9 The Five Stages of Infatuation
Another fun one for the bar, like the traffic song. Just a caricature of the rigmarole of being single. Through-composed, too!
10 Peter (with natrin)
I love them all, but I love this one. The recording's good except for that one note that I'm flat on >.< I really love the mandolin solo. Personalizing the story of Peter walking on water was just fun. Making a video was awesome, which was Michael's idea, not mine...!
11 Jimmy Baker and the Bees
Enviro song, upbeat, educational, fun, funny. It's my inner Shel Silverstein coming out.
12 Crowns
I personally think this is the most beautiful song I wrote all FAWM. I think because it is a perfect encapsulation and expression of what I was dealing with, musically and lyrically. I figured this would probably confuse folks who know me, but I also figured they could just ask me if it was really a problem.
13 Mud Season
I didn't like this one when I put it up. I felt like putting it up was a cop-out. Could be developed.
14 Looking For Words (Tyranny of Complexity) (with shanepalko)
I'm rocking a bassline in this one, and doing some singing. Shane's doing everything else. This one really moves. I find it gets caught in my brain.
15 Por Supuesto
I actually really love Spanish. I really seriously regret that I don't practice it more. But this set of lyrics came to me in Spanish, so I brushed up and wrote it down. I love harmonizing, too ^^
16 Third Grade Music Class (the recorder song) (with wolfeman217)
... I really don't count this one. It's amusing to me because we had three very talented guitarists in a room together and... we write a stupid thing on recorders. Cripes.
17 Space Trash
Michael requested this one months ago. I'm still working on a list of suggestions, but Michael is persistent so I made it a goal to get it done this FAWM. It's pretty silly.
So, overall... I got 4 environmental songs, 2-3 that are upbeat and silly, 2-3 that are more solemn and deep, 10-12 songs that I would feel comfortable bringing up to speed for the stage, and some great collaborations with other artists. I'm really very happy about that. ^^
What now? Now we prepare for the FAWM showcase, I cross off some of my spring goals (yes, I keep an excel spreadsheet of my goals), take a short breather, clean the house, weed the garden, and then get moving again.
It's not easy, it's really not. I will admit that this business of being whatever I am is a lot of work. But I will also admit that it's what I am, and I find fulfillment in it. Not just joy, not just pleasure... fulfillment. I could just ignore music, hunker down, live life like a normal middle-class American and die, but that's just survival. It's more than loving what you do, or pretending that you love what you do (because you force yourself to love it). It's tuning into the voice of your own discontent and allowing it to draw you deeper into the fulfilling stuff that makes no sense to the world or the folks that live in it.
Because ultimately, it makes no sense to do any of this, in terms that the world understands. But God, I can't not.
But it's here! So join me as I procrastinate on things my neighbors would appreciate, such as fixing the rut I put in my lawn and weeding my garden... this might be a long'n.
First, I'm going to do myself a favor and list my songs, link them directly to their respective MP3 files (so that clicking on them will bring you to the actual sound file), and give a short self-critique. Next year, my FAWM page will be wiped clean so that I can put up more stuff, so this is my own little archive.
1 The Invitation
Loved starting out with a banjo tune, pretty happy with the chorus. not sure about that bridge.
2 The Migration
An arty enviro song. glad I wrote at least one of these. I honestly think I expressed exactly what I wanted to.
3 Little Bird (with jocelyn)
Awesome collab which I really enjoyed. This was the only collab where someone gave a complete set of lyrics which I then set.
4 A Rather Politely Phrased Request From A Fellow Citizen and Motorist
This one was so fun. A good song for the open mic at the bar ^^
5 Invention for Dulcimer
Goin' out on a limb with this one. Instrumental. Not sure this is actually how you play dulcimer, but I actually love the construction of the music. May develop it.
6 The Sun (is free energy!)
An educational enviro song. WITH BANJO! It's very fun and I'm glad I wrote it.
7 Small Town Places
This one was sprung on me. It was never on my list of ideas. But I'm glad it's there. More thoughtful and slow.
8 Irish Platypus (with heyzach)
My first in-person collab. Ever. (Ever!) Instrumental. Our musical ideas are so varied.
9 The Five Stages of Infatuation
Another fun one for the bar, like the traffic song. Just a caricature of the rigmarole of being single. Through-composed, too!
10 Peter (with natrin)
I love them all, but I love this one. The recording's good except for that one note that I'm flat on >.< I really love the mandolin solo. Personalizing the story of Peter walking on water was just fun. Making a video was awesome, which was Michael's idea, not mine...!
11 Jimmy Baker and the Bees
Enviro song, upbeat, educational, fun, funny. It's my inner Shel Silverstein coming out.
12 Crowns
I personally think this is the most beautiful song I wrote all FAWM. I think because it is a perfect encapsulation and expression of what I was dealing with, musically and lyrically. I figured this would probably confuse folks who know me, but I also figured they could just ask me if it was really a problem.
13 Mud Season
I didn't like this one when I put it up. I felt like putting it up was a cop-out. Could be developed.
14 Looking For Words (Tyranny of Complexity) (with shanepalko)
I'm rocking a bassline in this one, and doing some singing. Shane's doing everything else. This one really moves. I find it gets caught in my brain.
15 Por Supuesto
I actually really love Spanish. I really seriously regret that I don't practice it more. But this set of lyrics came to me in Spanish, so I brushed up and wrote it down. I love harmonizing, too ^^
16 Third Grade Music Class (the recorder song) (with wolfeman217)
... I really don't count this one. It's amusing to me because we had three very talented guitarists in a room together and... we write a stupid thing on recorders. Cripes.
17 Space Trash
Michael requested this one months ago. I'm still working on a list of suggestions, but Michael is persistent so I made it a goal to get it done this FAWM. It's pretty silly.
So, overall... I got 4 environmental songs, 2-3 that are upbeat and silly, 2-3 that are more solemn and deep, 10-12 songs that I would feel comfortable bringing up to speed for the stage, and some great collaborations with other artists. I'm really very happy about that. ^^
What now? Now we prepare for the FAWM showcase, I cross off some of my spring goals (yes, I keep an excel spreadsheet of my goals), take a short breather, clean the house, weed the garden, and then get moving again.
It's not easy, it's really not. I will admit that this business of being whatever I am is a lot of work. But I will also admit that it's what I am, and I find fulfillment in it. Not just joy, not just pleasure... fulfillment. I could just ignore music, hunker down, live life like a normal middle-class American and die, but that's just survival. It's more than loving what you do, or pretending that you love what you do (because you force yourself to love it). It's tuning into the voice of your own discontent and allowing it to draw you deeper into the fulfilling stuff that makes no sense to the world or the folks that live in it.
Because ultimately, it makes no sense to do any of this, in terms that the world understands. But God, I can't not.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)