Goals and Priorities and Focus

Ever have so many things to do that the enormity of things weighed on you and prevented you from doing them?

Prioritizing, I can do. Goal-setting, I'm good at. But usually, as you're heading through those priorities and goals, they shift. It's like walking on sand. (I just went to the beach ^^) Really, though, it is. Pick a direction and take a step, and you slide. You put in X about of effort and get X-2 reward.

I had a set of goals for January through May. Now it's April, and how did I do?

Goal 1: 1 gig per month. Met, and exceeded, actually. I know it seems silly that I wrote specifically just one gig, but you have to put numbers on these things so that you can tangibly measure how you did.

Goal 2: Develop songwriting community through FAWM and Castle Open Mic. Met, mostly, as far as I can tell, tho we haven't had as many open mics as I thought. (The Castle Open Mic is a small group of friends which meets solely for the purpose of playing music or otherwise performing for each other. Originally it was a true open mic, but this is what it is now.) We actually had outstanding success with FAWM. 12 performers at the Newark Arts Alliance = win.

Goal 3: Complete FAWM. Met. Got a ton of new song material and I like a lot of it.

Goal 4: Maintain 3-5 students. Met, definitely - which is really more of a prayer answered than a goal met - the only sure advertising that seems to work for me is word of mouth, and that's honestly how I prefer it.

Goal 5: Practice 1 hour/day. Failed (miserably).

Goal 6: Participate in Schola Cantorum (UD Community Choir). Failed, mostly because I felt intensely that I would be too busy to actually receive nourishment from participating (if that makes sense).

Goal 7: Run Easter Choir at the Barn (church). Failed. There was some interest, but not enough to where I felt comfortable preparing them for a performance at Easter. Aside from this, I have realized that my work with the parks gets intense in the springtime, and it might be prudent of me to accept my limits and say that Christmas is the only time I can feasibly run a choir. I would be happy to mentor or accept folks as co-leaders of a choir, but if it's just me - I can't do much more than that.

So... okay. I guess I didn't suck as badly as I thought I did. Even the goals I "failed," I learned something about limits. Plus, I think I'm adopting the "shoot for the moon" mentality ("Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll land among the stars") - planning too much and dropping some stuff instead of not planning enough.

But failing to practice at least 7 hours a week is disgraceful. I really am ashamed of that. Honestly - in college, it was 2-3 hours a day. I know it's incredibly bad form to admit it publicly, buuuuut... I think I need to say it. I think, actually, more of what I need is I need to communicate with my comrades-in-arms and get them to hold me accountable.

Also, I did some stuff that wasn't part of my goals. I've played 12 open mics so far this year. Not one of my top priorities. Not even a goal. An open mic doesn't count as a gig for me. It might count under "community building," though. But the intent is not to try to make stuff fit into the categories I've chosen - there should be a focus overarching everything I do. Should I have devoted time to performance experience, exposure, and community development when I really needed to just focus on practicing?

Well, possibly it was all right for then. Right now, though, I'm feeling a shift in focus. It's time to look at the next 3-4 months and set some new goals and priorities.

Now, how to make priority-setting a priority...

I have not been this ill in years. The body naturally rejects what's not good for it, and mine made it clear last night that there was a very not-good thing in my system. Around 2 AM I finally began to feel well enough to get up off the bathroom floor and go to bed.

This physical ailment is the cap on a long week of discouragement and hard thoughts about life in general, including music. And I don't think it's a bad thing - it's a call to look at what I'm doing, define my direction better, prune back the spots that are growing rampant - it's just a hard place to be by yourself.

First campfire of the season!

Hallelujah!!

Campfire!!

(Photo by Laura Madara)

Last year, I had the pleasure of performing at 3-4 campfire programs with Delaware State Parks. This was not by any coincidence, since I am also employed by DSP. Now, among many other things, I am technically the booking agent for an entire park. Granted, we have all of maybe five performances a year, but... still. It counts.

Anywho, I booked myself for a campfire program. Actually, I guess I didn't book myself. Since I'm an employee, I can't get paid anything other than my hourly rate, so when I play, I'm technically playing as an employee of DSP and not as a crazy music lady.

Even though I still am, and will always be, a crazy music lady.

Anyway, I love my park and I love campfire programs! There's one thing you need to understand about me... I've been to summer camp. Overnight summer camp. Since the first grade 'till about fifth grade. And at summer camp, you sing. You sing ridiculous songs, sentimental songs, funny songs, songs with participation or callback lines, walking songs, grace songs, morning songs, night songs, time to go to bed songs, counselors trying to entertain the kids when there's an unexpected delay songs...

And if you've been to a summer camp where there are songs, you know what I'm talking about. It just seeps into you. There are songs we learn as children that we can never escape. If you have little sweet songs embedded into you from childhood that always make you feel happy and nostalgic, you're incredibly blessed. You get to hang onto those songs for your entire life and they will always take you back to summer camp.

Yes, it absolutely takes guts to get up in front of people by yourself and sing songs. Even more guts to make them all stand up and sing and motion along to "Princess Pat." But as I told the audience last night... I think people really do want to be silly. They do want to have fun. And outwardly we all assume that no one else wants to do it. But secretly, everyone does want to stand up and do the silly motions and sing "Princess Pat."

Also, when I'm doing a campfire, I guess I'm just more aware that people are there because they love the outdoors. They're not drinking. They didn't just stumble in on some other motive. They're not there for any other reason than knowing that the outdoors and music go together like fine wines and certain cheeses.

Plus, I've always secretly wanted to be a storyteller. Campfires are a great way to start to sneak into that. :)


Photo by Cathy Tibbitt Joulwan


We also took a little night hike after the campfire, and it was beautiful. If a little muddy.


Photo by Cathy Tibbitt Joulwan

Mojo Main's first Tuesday acoustic matinee

So... I guess I was the groundbreaking act for Mojo Main's acoustic matinees on Tuesdays. A few folks got to hear it, too! Honestly, I'm not being snide... I need more experience in front of a mic. I know it. So I was very happy with how it turned out - really low-pressure for me, I gave a performance I was pleased with, and I had a real bonafide gig. And it started on time. :)

The acoustic matinee idea seems like a great fit for the place. No cover, an hour set for folks to do pretty much whatever they want, and people eating dinner. Win.

Games & Gigs

Real quick, because I should definitely be in bed...

Wednesday, 3/30: Played at Mojo 13, along with the Paper Janes. Luckily a small audience of our friends amassed, thanks to no help from me, goodness gracious... I'm bad at this. How did I ever get to be a performer who didn't like her own performances enough to invite people to see them? Lord help me.

Saturday, 4/2: Played at the Barn's talent show, dressed like I was in the circus, had a ton of fun. I had the chance to play a couple of my family-oriented nature tunes. (They're not exactly suited for a bar crowd, so I'll take whatever opportunity I get.)

Monday, 4/4: David Bessent's videogame, MAwCiMs: Arena, came out on Kongregate. I had the privilege of writing the music for this awesome game.

Also, I played Mojo Main's open mic. Stefan Wolfe came along for the ride, showcasing his mad skillz at total improv. I covered "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz and had the whole place clappin'.

Tuesday, 4/5: I'm playing Mojo Main's very first acoustic matinee. Website says it starts at 7, booking agent says I play at 6, I say I'd better be done by 8 'cause I have other stuff to attend to! (Stupid of me to schedule something on kinship night without a contingency plan for kinship itself, which is hosted in my house. I made the broad assumption that the show would in fact occur at the time that the booking agent said it would. Right now, I doubt significantly that my assumption is correct, but God is good and He'll see me through this little snafu.)

A'course, my buddies The Paper Janes and Battleshy Youths will be playin' at the University of Delaware at the same time, and I would have liked to go see them, but such is life.

Saturday, 4/9: I'm playing Lums Pond State Park's Family Camping Weeekend. Assuming it doesn't get cancelled because of rain or something like that. Because right now, the forecast is rain for a week, no lie.


That plus my music students equals a very very busy two weeks. The honest confession: along with job stress, I'm starting to feel a little worn out. (Have I mentioned I haven't even done my taxes yet?) I'm working hard, playing hard, not sleeping, and not having a lot of feelings of success right now. I used to have said feelings a lot, it's just recently they seem to have up and vanished. It'll get better. I know. God is good. Even when (especially when) you just start to feel "blah."