It has something to do with the flu and the symptoms thereof. Still not really 100%, but good enough to work today. And go to church yesterday.
Church. Guess what, the funniest thing happened there... God wanted to talk to me, I guess. He forced my hand on the way I've really been feeling about myself lately, because it was damaging our relationship. I don't really like confessing stuff like this because, you know, someone might think I'm depressed, and then they will want to put me on medication, and stuff like that... when I'm really just human. This I really believe: if you don't go through the dumps on a somewhat regular basis, you're numb. Numb is worse than the dumps. Way worse.
But, anyway. Relevance to FAWM: I followed the feeling to its root, and in the process, discovered that I was trying too hard - at everything - for all the wrong reasons. Worth is not based on performance, and worth is not based on who you have been, but I fall back so easily into believing all those lies.
So I'm just breathing and re-centering. Been writing a bit and jotting down ideas, but the momentum's gone and I'm not really upset about it. I was setting a breakneck speed and I couldn't keep up with myself. There is plenty of time.
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