I'm not even going to pretend like I know what I'm doing. Part of why I like keeping this blog is because I want to see where I'm improving. You can't admit that you're improving without also admitting that you're coming from a less-refined state.

So, I've never felt like I knew what I was doing vocally. I've never had a private voice lesson in my life. But I had songs inside of me, and the four years of glee in college managed to convince me that I could, at least, render sketchy versions said songs.

After I got out of college and began working, the perfectionist side of me began to give way to a version of me that said, "just do it." I took jobs that were definitely not necessarily what I had planned on, but I liked them and found that if I just did them enough, I would get to a place where I felt as solid as I actually was.

Which is how I began to accept that I could do this. Despite studying classical guitar for ten years, I never believed I was supposed to become a musician until I began to know God a little better, and His main thing for awhile was all, "you're a musician. you'll be mildly unhappy until you can accept that."

FINE, I said.

So I just did it. Though I knew I was not where I wanted to be. I was aware of my stumbling and my imperfections and when you're a performer, you just bravado your way right through them, because, you have to.


I left Sound Stage last Thursday, feeling... different. Feeling like I had nailed it. My mom confirmed it.

I can't say what happened, but we both tended to agree that something strange is happening with the vocals. Like, they're getting better. Or something. I sing out and it just feels, I don't know... stronger? Sort of like it was a suspension bridge before and now it's all fancy and solid and you can stand on it without getting blown around in the wind.

Maybe it's a fluke. I hope not, though, because I really like this.